Dream, Dream, Dream

Deus, in adjutorium meum intende. Domine, ad adjuvandum me festina.
O God, come to my assistance. O Lord, make haste to help me,

   John Wayne looked down at me with those steely eyes; but there was a slight grin just barely discernable at the corners of his mouth. The sweat soaked cowboy hat was pushed back off his forever furrowed brow.
   Next to him, Cary Grant had that famous amused look, one hand under his chin. On the other side, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jimmy Stewart, with head tucked, his shy gaze taking in my teen-aged admiration.
   Well, I can't forget Glenn Ford, Gene Kelley, Robert Mitchum and (gasp) Gary Cooper.
   And where was this concentration of Hollywood Hunkdom? On the walls of my bedroom, their pictures having been cut out of my favorite movie magazines and put in place with thumb tacks.
   Sometimes my grandmother's forebearance surprised me. The wallpaper would never be the same, with newer photos replacing some and perhaps a new hero finding a spot to squeeze in - maybe Dana Andrews or Joel McCrea?
   Clark Gable, Errol Flynn, Douglas Fairbanks Junior and David Niven didn't make the cut. I didn't like mustaches.
   My teen years were so innocent compared to today. I include young college age women as well. My movie heroes had certain things in common. They were good guys (or rehabilitated bad guys), strong mentally, morally and physically. They protected the innocent and the weak, especially women. They exhibited an individual sense of honor and were capable of exhibiting wit. They could be hurt emotionally, but were never so overcome that they gave in to despair, They didn't "wimp out" as the current saying goes.
   I wrote something awhile back about attitudes young college age women had in my day, at least those attending Catholic colleges. Husband, home, family took precedence over career. We knew what priorities were important for the sake of a strong society.
   We grew up, as generations before us, with Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, Snow White, all the so-called stereotypical females. They were oppressed by forces of evil, eventually being saved by fairy godmothers and the handsome princes, living happily ever after. Did we want Prince Charming? Of course! There is nothing wrong with looking for the ideal. We knew, not being morons, that Mr. perfect didn't - and doesn't - exist. We did want to find a companion for life who would honor us, be a real "head" of a family, and share a married life as ordained by God.
   To have our fairy tale and movie heroes was to exhibit a healthy, normal part of the feminine psyche. To this day I think it
 was a good thing and helped to keep expectations high enough to look for the best available partner for life. 
   Wait! Didn't John Wayne treat Maureen O'Hara abominably in more than one movie? Yes! But she gave as good as she got. No crawling creature, she. I was raised to be independent when need be, to compete with the opposite sex, to stand up for myself. I cheered for Maureen O'Hara, but recognized that in the end, she proudly retained her role as helpmate, not head. Her innate femininity won out.   
   The young woman who recently spoke of "submission" to her husband drew incredulous looks and comments. What is not understood is that there is submission on both sides. The Church tells us that the husband is head of the wife and Christ is Head of the Church. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church, with all honor and respect; with sacrifice of self to wife and children. He, because of his biology is protector, supports his family and sacrifices self to them. The wife recognizes his worth, loves and cares for him and any children they have, and sacrifices herself to the good of the whole, as well.  The feminine biology, makes her, by nature, the bearer of children, the nurturer, the heart of the family. 
   Love means sacrifice. Love means thinking of the other before oneself. The old marriage ceremony speaks of this scrifice and tells us that "Perfect love makes sacrifice a joy."  Too many people ( and this is not a new phenomenon; it is a real human failing) seek the love of someone who will make THEM happy. If their expectations are not met, they fall out of love - which wasn't real love in the first place.  Love means that each person in the relationship wants to make the other person happy. They want to make life as good as possible for their children. They show those children what real love is and what is expected from love.
   I haven't really strayed from the princess and prince charming dream. If the enchanted couple lived "happily ever after," we can surmise that they truly loved each other in the most humanly perfect way - if we ever thought that much about it - which we haven't!  But it makes sense when you think about it. Look at the recognition of those couples who are married 60, 70, even 80 years. Have they lived happily ever after? They have lived their vows. They have put up with each other's shortcomings. They have fought, made up, and kept on loving. In other words, they have sacrificed, maybe not perfectly, but they have understood what love is.
   Young girls and women, and young boys and men, for that matter, should have hopes and dreams. Imagining "the one" is normal. They should daydream about the perfect one for them. They should ask God's help to find the one who will best complement them and share their vision of life, not neglecting the hereafter.  They should realize that they are the foundation of human society. So dream on, young people, with your fairy tales and movie heroes (with care in the choosing). Perfection is to be sought in all things. I wish happy ever after for everyone, especially since the real happy ever after is in Heaven, surrounded by our loved ones.
   On a light note, I'm still looking for a Jimmy Stewart type. At 81 years old, that's not likely to happen.