O.K. I had to find some humor somewhere or go out of my ever-loving mind! This offering was in my stack of stuff. It came from I know not where, from I know not whom (it's anonymous), but it's a treasure. It has been updated to reflect current norms.
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There's nothing sadder than the childless couple. It breaks you up to see them stretched out relaxing around swimming pools in Florida, sitting all sun-tanned and miserable on the decks of their yachts or going off to Europe like lonesome fools. It's an empty life. There's nothing but more money to spend, more time to enjoy, and a whole lot less to worry about.
The poor childless couple gets so selfish and wrapped up in themselves that you hate to feel sorry for them. They don't fight over the children's discipline, they don't blame each other for the characteristics most nauseous in the child, and they miss all the fun of doing without things for the children's sake. They go along in their dull way doing what they want, getting what they want and even liking each other. It's a pretty pathetic picture.
Everyone should have children. No one should be allowed to escape the wonderful experiences attached to each stage in the development of the young. The happy, happy memories of baby days, the alert all-nighters, coughing spells, debts, diaper deliveries, dipso baby sitters, saturated mattresses, spilled food, tantrums, emergencies and crises.
Then comes the real fulfillment as the children grow like little acorns and become real nuts. The wonder of watching your over-weight ballerina of twelve make a fool of herself in a leotard; the warm smile of the small lad with the sun glistening on a few thousand bucks worth of braces ruined on peanut brittle; the rollicking, merry, care-free voices as hordes of hysterical kiddies stampeded at the birthday party.
A married couple without little ones envy their neighbor's bairn. It isn't enough to be god-parents to the whole block. They still miss out on that glorious period of childhood that is alive, exuberant and bursting with healthy impulses to shatter the shredded nerves.
I pity the couple without children to brighten the evening hours by brushing the drink from the shaking hand, to massage the potato chips into the rug and wrestle for the nachos. How dismally vacant is the peaceful home without constant childish problems that make for a well-rounded adult life and an early breakdown; the tender, thoughtful discussions when the report cards reveal the progeny to be one step below half-wits; the close-knit family gatherings around the fireplace to roast hot-dogs and the pet puppy - if he isn't fast on his feet; the end-of-day reunions with all the joyful day's happenings related like well-placed blows on the temple.
Children are worth it all. Every moment of anxiety, every sacrifice, every complete collapse, pays off as a fine, sturdy adolescense is reached. That feeling of reward the first time you took the boy hunting. He didn't mean to shoot you in the leg; the boy was excited. Remember how he cried - how disappointed he was that you weren't a deer? These are the times with a growing son that a man treasures; these poignant moments that are captured forever and held in the heart - and in the limp.
Think back to that night of romantic adventure when your budding, beautiful daughter, already covered with tattoos and piercings, eloped with the village idiot. What childless couple could ever share in the stark realism of that drama? Aren't you a better man for having lived richly, fully, and acquiring that tic by your left eye? Could a woman without children touch the strength and heroism of your wife as she tried to fling herself from the bedroom window? It takes a father to attain the stature of standing by, resolute and ready - ready to jump after her. The climax was when you two became closer together, realizing that after all, your baby girl was a woman now - a lovely young woman with the mind of a pygmy.
The childless couple lives in a vacuum, filling lonely days with golf, vacation trips, dinner dates, civic affairs, tranquillity, leisure and money. They contribute no additions to the human race - which is in itself a satisfaction. There is a terrifying emptiness without children; and the childless couple is too comfortable to know it. You just have to look at them to see what the years have done. He looks boyish, unlined and rested; she's slim, well-groomed and youthful. It isn't natural. If they'd had kids, they'd look like the rest of us - tired, gray, wrinkled, sagging, and - in other words - normal.
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Well, I thought it was funny when I first read it!
submitted by this NORMAL Mom; and Boy! could I add a few more paragraphs extolling the joys of motherhood!
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