CORN

A habit of mine is clipping out articles from newspapers that interest me and saving them in a folder. I never know whether I will ever refer to them again or use them in any way. Some are serious, some humorous. This one I came across the other day and has a bit of both. Gary Hanson, a retired minister, teacher and businessman, wrote these in the "Santa Maria Times" several years ago.

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This is a true story of an award-winning corn farmer. He has much to teach us about life.

     An author tells the story of a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year, he entered his corn in his state fair where it would win the blue ribbon.
     One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors.
     "How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with  yours each year?" the reporter asked.  "Why sir," said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must also help my neighbors grow good corn!"
     Here then, is a man who is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves. So it is with our lives that:
     Those who choose to live in peace must help their neighbors live in peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well. and Those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the well-being of each of us is bound up with the well-being of all.
     If we are to grow good "corn" ourselves, we must help our neighbors grow good corn too.

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Being a retired minister, Gary Hanson collected some Church Bulletin Bloopers. I've heard many. Some of these I had not heard.  Enjoy.  More Corn, please.

1.    Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2.   Announcement in the church bulletin for a National Prayer and Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
3.     Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
4.     Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again, " giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
5.     "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
6.     Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
7.     The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
8.     The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
9.     Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
10.   Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
11.   During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubs supplied our pulpit.
12.   The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
13.   Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
14.   Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
15.   Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
16.   Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
17.   A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
18.   At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
19.   Eight new choir robes are needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
20.   The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinnng to join the choir.
21.   Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
22.   the Lutheran men's group meets at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
23.   For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
24.   Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
25.   Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
26.   The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.
27.   Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.
28.   The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They many be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
29.   This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
30.   Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
31.   The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
32.   Low Self-esteem Support Group will meet Thursdy at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
33.   The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
34.   Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
35.   Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
36.   The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:  Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
37.   Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."  

Thank you, Gary Hanson.